Trick or Treat, Tyra

Today on Alphabet City: As Halloween arrives, Jon Paul has flashbacks to his first trick (and treat).  Guest star: Tyra Banks.

Somewhere along the way I learned to hate Halloween.  Which doesn’t make sense, really, because my first sexual experience was on Halloween.  My former client Tyra Banks—practicing to be America’s Next Top Media Mogul—pried the story out of me in the back of a limo in Alphabet City’s Episode 5: The Bodyguard.  Here’s an excerpt:

In Chicago, I learned that Tyra had the skills to be a successful talk show host—on the way to O’Hare, I was caught in her limousine confessional.

“Alright JP, let’s hear it.  When was your first time?” she asked.

“First time what?”

“Having sex, silly.  You told me you’ve been out since you were a teen.  So who was the lucky guy?”

A question like that coming from anyone else would have been shocking, but Tyra had a hypnotic affect that lured subjects into letting down their guard.

“Oh, it’s kind of crazy actually.  It was Halloween.  I was 15 and dressed as a ladybug.  He was a bumblebee.”

“You little devil!  Learning the birds and the bees!  Tell me more.”

“We had just done a Halloween show for little kids and were still in our insect costumes, hanging out in his car.  One thing led to another.  His bee stinger started growing.  My ladybug wand came out swinging.  And before I knew what was happening, I learned to drive stick shift.”

“Oh JP, talk about trick or treating!”

Let’s forget for a moment the inappropriateness of sharing such intimate details with a client, and let me tell you how the story ended.  Turns out that the bumblebee decided he was just exploring and wasn’t compatible with the ladybug.  I nursed a broken heart for months, and developed a deep seeded suspicion of men in costumes.  But I did become a big fan of tricks that turn into treats.

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