Tag Archives: tyra banks

Bold Face Name (Again)

Today on Alphabet City: Jon Paul lands in PageSix gossip column (again) thanks to revelations about a supermodel.  Guest star: Tyra Banks (sort of).

Readers of Alphabet City: My So-Called Sitcom life might remember that in Episode 4 the famous gossip columnist Richard Johnson gave me a break when I was a struggling junior publicist for Liza.

Back in PageSix!

Then years later, in Episode 11, I became a bold face name myself in PageSix after an incident involving model Mark Vanderloo at Condé Nast Traveler’s first Hot List party.  Well today, thanks again to Richard and another supermodel media mogul Tyra Banks, I have been re-confirmed as gossip column worthy.  At least this time, I really didn’t have to say anything snarky.  From today’s New York Post PageSix:

Teddy Terrors

Jon Paul Buchmeyer learned plenty from Tyra Banks when he worked as her publicist during her book tour for “Inside Out.” “Chips with the fat substitute Olestra cause Tyra to have intestinal distress,” he writes in his memoir, “Alphabet City,” which chronicled his years working for Whoopi Goldberg, Vanessa Williams and Condé Nast Traveler. Buchmeyer also learned, “Tyra thinks white limos are tacky,” and to beware of fans who bring teddy bears to book signings — “Anyone that showed up at a book signing offering a stuffed animal probably needs a security escort.”

Oh, FYI—today is the last day to help me win the contest by ordering the book…click button at right and use WINTERBOOK code for 10% off!

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Ding-Dong: Alphabet City calling!

Today on Alphabet City: Jon Paul calls out for help as he gets ready to crisscross the country pedaling his wares.

Alphabet City is recruiting dozens of friends and fans for a seriously fun mission—hosting Alphabet City Book Club House Parties with about 20 of their friends.  Coast-to-coast, I’ll consider any city, and most importantly, I plan on attending every event!  It’s a chance for you and your friends to get all those questions answered, including:

Preview of the book cover--thanks Sam Griffin!

  • Are Tyra’s boobs real?
  • What celebrities didn’t make it into the book?
  • How can I find the no-pants bar in Berlin or Babylon in Bangkok?

Plus, I’ll reveal salacious tidbits that got edited out for fear of lawsuits—like the down-on-her-luck celebrity with an eating disorder.  Or how I handle my mother reading about intimate details of my sex life.

Forget Pride & Prejudice—Jane Austen’s not coming to your house.  But I am! It’s like a Tupperware party with a humorous edge.

The wonderful thing about technology is that it’s allowing emerging artists to go directly to fans.  That’s not to say that it’s easy—you don’t just punch a button and boom you’re a published Kindle author.  There are all sorts of unimagined hic-cups.  But at the end of the day, it’s a blast being charge from top-to-bottom.

All right folks, the Alphabet City Book Club House Party Tour runs May-November 2010.  Now, I’ve got some books to sell.

Who’s going to step up and get the Alphabet City party started?

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Loving Dick (Tracy)

Today on Alphabet City: Jon Paul’s love of Dick (Tracy) reminds him of his Turkey cliffhanger with Tyra Banks.  New Excerpt Available.

A good, dramatic cliffhanger has always had a special place in my heart.  I was reminded of this love yesterday upon opening a parcel from my sister Paige.  She had been going through the DVD collection of my father who recently passed away and thought there were a few gems I might enjoy.  Thankfully, there was no Terror of Tiny Town, perhaps the all time worst movie ever produced that my father watched endlessly.  But peeking around Liza-Sally Bowles on the cover of  Cabaret was an entire set of Dick Tracy serials.  Now I’m not talking the Warren Beatty-Madonna version, but the original 1937 campy series with the legendary (to me) Ralph Bird in the marquee role battling the evil villain Spider.

I fell in love with Dick (pun intended) when I was about five and my father took the family every Sunday afternoon to Dallas’ old Grenada Theater to watch a black-and-white classic like Freaks (a horror film about sideshow performers) preceded by an episode of Dick Tracy.  I remember screaming out for my hero about to be killed by San Francisco’s Bay Bridge, collapsing from the villain Spider’s dangerous sonic weapon!  How could I possibly wait until the next week to find out what happened to my detective boyfriend?  My father just smiled knowingly.

It wasn’t until recently that I realized I had left ABCityblog readers with a cliffhanger of sorts.  A friend who was catching up on postings wrote me to say that she couldn’t believe I just left everyone hanging at the end of the Turkey Trouble episode—my fateful encounter with an Istanbul hustler before Tyra’s arrival.

So, here’s the ending to that tale, with a viewer advisory: this will probably be the last excerpt released before the entire book is published in print and e-book form early next year.  How’s that for a cliffhanger?

(Ahh, don’t worry.  I’ll keep posting original stuff.)

CLICK HERE for Second Excerpt from Alphabet City’s Episode 7: Turkey Trouble.

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The Bodyguard

Today on Alphabet City: Kristin Chenoweth and her hunky male Christmas pinup calendar inspires Jon Paul to reveal more of his cross-country travels with Tyra Banks.  Full Episode 5 now available.

Chef and I decided a few years back that if our little dog Frida were ever an animated character that she would be voiced by singer-actress Kristin Chenoweth.  They both share the same sense of perky spirit and sometimes curls, although I imagine  Kristin has a little more drive—we often refer to Frida as the “laziest dog in the world.”

Frida and Kristin, the resemblance is uncanny

So I follow Kristin’s career with considerable Glee (when is she coming back to my favorite show?), even devouring her memoir A Little Bit Wicked.  Of course I’ve already set my DVR for this Saturday’s Lifetime movie “12 Men of Christmas” where Kristin stars as A NEW YORK PUBLICIST casting a male pinup calendar!  Alessandra Stanley in today’s New York Times refers to it as “a watered-down reworking of Jane Austen’s famous comedy of manners (call it ‘Pride & Pectoral’).”  Sign me up!

Remember the literary agent who told me that a publicist wasn’t a familiar figure in people’s lives?  Well, I’m sure Kristin and Lifetime are about to change all that.

But if not, and you’re still wondering what publicists do, I thought I’d give you more of the behind-the-scenes tales of book tour with Tyra Banks.  You’ve seen only a snippet of this story, and if you forgot how I landed the job with the supermodel then you should probably read Episode 4 first.  Then delve into Alphabet City’s Episode 5: The Bodyguard.

As I was reading the chapter this morning, the non-stop cross-country travel reminded me of George Clooney’s character in the new film Up in the Air.  Would the suave Oscar-winning actor be the right choice to play me in the Alphabet City movie?  Nah, I’d probably ask Frida’s permission to let Emmy-winner Kristin Chenoweth step into the role—she may be the wrong sex, but the attitude is all right.

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Turkey Trouble

Today on Alphabet City: A tragic “honor” killing in Turkey reminds Jon Paul of his trouble in Istanbul with a gay hustler while on tour with Tyra.

Last week as I was beginning to cook the big Thanksgiving meal and make final preparations for my Spit List, I came across an article in the New York Times about a man named Ahmet Yildiz who was brutally killed in Istanbul by his father for being gay.  The reporter and sociologists refer to it as an “honor” killing—which I find horrific and gruesome.  The premise of the article is that modern Turkey is battling fundamentalist Islamic ideology as can be seen in acceptance of cross-dressing pop-stars but murders of gay men.

I must admit that I had lulled myself into believing that things must have progressed for gays and lesbians in the metropolis of Istanbul since I visited many years ago with Tyra Banks.  I thought it was daring then that I ventured out to find exotic gay nightlife, and would up in a heap of trouble.  But nothing as tragic as Mr. Yildiz.  As an American, I was able to return to a land where I might not be able to marry my partner, but I at least feel free from being hunted down by a family member justifying their action in the name of “honor.”

If it were still Thanksgiving, I’d add “Honor Killings” to my Spit List.  In the meantime, I offer up an excerpt of the story about an experience in Istanbul that caused me years of shame.

CLICK HERE to read an excerpt from Episode 7: Turkey Trouble.

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Tyra Wins!

In honor of Election Day, I’m announcing the results of the first Alphabet City poll.  You voted for the next chapter you wanted to read—and the episode featuring Tyra Banks won in a landslide with 50% of the ballots cast.  So enjoy Episode 4: And Nothing But the Truth which in addition to the supermodel-cum-media-mogul includes my first run-in with PageSix courtesy of Liza Minnelli and an introduction to photo shoots courtesy of Cameron Diaz.

Make sure to read Episode 1 with Whoopi for a little background.  Here’s what happens in between:

* Episode 2—Jon Paul does battle with demons in Texas and then later with Japanese Power Rangers in New York, ultimately winning a fabulous Big Apple apartment

* Episode 3—Jon Paul’s work for a famous NYC Billionaire with food issues lands him a “date” with a guy named “Greasy” who owns an entertainment PR firm.  Jon Paul ends up with a job in celebrity publicity—something for which he has no background or training.

Cue Episode 4: And Nothing But the Truth.

Congrats Tyra on your electoral victory.  I hear Hilary Clinton is looking for some help in the Mid-East and Afghanistan.

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Trick or Treat, Tyra

Today on Alphabet City: As Halloween arrives, Jon Paul has flashbacks to his first trick (and treat).  Guest star: Tyra Banks.

Somewhere along the way I learned to hate Halloween.  Which doesn’t make sense, really, because my first sexual experience was on Halloween.  My former client Tyra Banks—practicing to be America’s Next Top Media Mogul—pried the story out of me in the back of a limo in Alphabet City’s Episode 5: The Bodyguard.  Here’s an excerpt:

In Chicago, I learned that Tyra had the skills to be a successful talk show host—on the way to O’Hare, I was caught in her limousine confessional.

“Alright JP, let’s hear it.  When was your first time?” she asked.

“First time what?”

“Having sex, silly.  You told me you’ve been out since you were a teen.  So who was the lucky guy?”

A question like that coming from anyone else would have been shocking, but Tyra had a hypnotic affect that lured subjects into letting down their guard.

“Oh, it’s kind of crazy actually.  It was Halloween.  I was 15 and dressed as a ladybug.  He was a bumblebee.”

“You little devil!  Learning the birds and the bees!  Tell me more.”

“We had just done a Halloween show for little kids and were still in our insect costumes, hanging out in his car.  One thing led to another.  His bee stinger started growing.  My ladybug wand came out swinging.  And before I knew what was happening, I learned to drive stick shift.”

“Oh JP, talk about trick or treating!”

Let’s forget for a moment the inappropriateness of sharing such intimate details with a client, and let me tell you how the story ended.  Turns out that the bumblebee decided he was just exploring and wasn’t compatible with the ladybug.  I nursed a broken heart for months, and developed a deep seeded suspicion of men in costumes.  But I did become a big fan of tricks that turn into treats.

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